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How I wish today’s companies could find it in their hearts to separate between what I do on my off days and what I do at work. Well, I know it’s not personal, but this drug test thingy is just a pain. Rather interestingly, it was just a pain, until I found my way out. Then it all became well with my soul.
It makes me a little sad to my core when these organizations decide to use the color of my urine to judge my personality and define my abilities. Just like some people get grumpy and moody without a caffeine boost from their coffee, you can equate the same thing when I miss a dose of my substances.
Since drug tests are becoming unavoidable at the work place, you might as well make your peace with that fact and forge a way forward. Life can be so easy when you get comfortable with being uncomfortable.
They say sharing is caring, so I will put aside all the time and resources put into hitting this jackpot solution and share it with you. At least if it means that you get to keep your job. No one likes urine drug tests, but it reaches a point when you hate to love them, simply because you can beat them! Without further ado, let’s get right into it.
What is a Monkey Dong
Welcome aboard the Monkey Dong club! A Monkey Dong is a fake urine dispenser gadget used to beat urine drug tests. It is a package containing powdered urine to make you pass the test. The powdered urine should have a mix of uric and urea to meet normal urine standards and make you pass the test.
All the lab wants from you is urine with the right ingredients and chemicals. So you can cheat as long as you get this right without getting caught. A legit Monkey Dong should at least have the following contents:
- 1 syringe for refilling the flask
- An instructional manual. Some of us still depend on manuals to fix everything
- Powdered urine. Testclear has the most legit powdered urine in the market
- 4 heating pads
- 1 elastic belt
- 1 urinating strap on device
When used with powdered urine, this gadget is too easy to use, you can be in doubt. I have done research, and used this device for so long to know that the lab doesn’t care about your genes when sampling the urine. They are just interested in the foreign chemicals swimming in your urine, if any. Do it right, and no one will tell it was never your urine.
How to Correctly Use a Monkey Dong
Start by following the instructions on the manual to the letter, and this device will be as easy as peeing. Open the package, wrap up the fake penis around your groin, and that’s about it. There is also a holding tank to secure your powdered urine. The belt used for strapping the device is wide enough to consider any plus size suspects.
I know you are now thinking, if this is it, how then do I get this powdered urine to be as warm as normal urine is? The package comes with heating pads to heat up the urine and make it match your natural urine temperature. The lab will sure as hell watch out for this one. Lastly, strap the belt around your waist, and do your little business in the cup.
A urine flask is included in the package to maintain normal urine temperatures for you. This will not happen magically though, you have to pre heat the flask to enable it maintain the temperature. Use this device correctly and it will work, miss a simple preheating detail, and you will have yourself to blame.
From my experience, I realized that powdered urine from Testclear is well calibrated with necessary chemicals to make it pass for real urine. The market is flooded with so many options that you can duped out of desperation. Lucky for you, I got you covered on that one.
Color Variations of a Monkey Dong
So I discover about this Monkey Dong, and then am like wait a minute, will my colored ass really work with this one? It was my lucky day. Whether you are black, white or Latino, you never have to worry about that racial aspect when it comes to Monkey Dongs. It comes in a variation of colors to suit our different skin tones.
Obviously companies want to get this right in case a super curious person decides to take a look. Don’t try experimenting with a different color from your skin tone for the fun of it, and then start whining and blaming people for your own mistakes. The colors range from Latino, white, black, tan, light, and brown. Make sure you choose one that comes close to your tone.
Buying a Monkey Dong is one thing, and getting the correct powdered urine is the other thing. Go wrong on any of this, and you automatically fail the drug test. The Monkey Dong is very affordable and has a money back guarantee. How cool can that even get?
When you are in a relationship, you have to kiss a lot of frogs. I found myself in this situation as I was doing my research. I looked out for all kinds of products, and even tried out a few. Like I told you, there are so many wannabe products cropping on the market day and night.
The Whizzinator is one such product. It closely resembles the Monkey Dong that it can fool you. However, this one has the color variations all wrong. I tried it and it failed me big time! Fortunately, this was not a real urine drug test, but part of my research journey to landing the correct product.
Remember, any slight deviation from the instructions can sabotage this whole operation, so why take the risk? Attempting the Whizzinator is a big risk that you don’t want to take. As if that’s not enough, it leaks like no one’s business!
Similar to other Monkey Dong reviews, I strongly recommend buying your Monkey Dong from trusted retailers, or directly from the manufacturers. This guarantees you quality, and a good price. A single unit can cost up to $100. When you think of it, what is $100 compared to the price of losing a potential thousand dollar job?
Some people might judge you because that’s all they do best, but I for sure understand that sometimes, you have to do what is necessary. When your career depends on it, morals can be temporarily put on hold.
Take it from me that using powdered urine from Testclear, with the help of the Monkey Dong is the easiest way to pass a urine drug test. The manual is just included for formality purposes. The whole thing is so self explanatory that you won’t even waste time reading the manual.